Praying Together Without It Feeling Awkward

Here''s a curious thing that so many Christian couples experience. They''re people who pray — each one on their own. They read the Bible — each one on their own. They go to church, they serve, they have a real faith. And yet, when it comes to praying together, out loud, as a couple, they feel a strange discomfort. Their tongue gets tied. It''s embarrassing. They feel exposed. And many, without saying so, avoid it.

It''s paradoxical: they share the bed, the bank account, the kids, the most intimate secrets — and yet, opening their heart to God out loud in front of the other is one of the hardest things for them. There''s a kind of spiritual self-consciousness, a shyness about showing your spouse that very personal part of yourself. And so many couples who love God each on their own never seek him as a team.

This study is about exactly that: spiritual intimacy, praying and seeking God together, and overcoming that specific discomfort so many couples feel. And it comes with good news: that awkwardness at the start is completely normal, it happens to almost everyone, and it''s overcome with things far simpler than they seem. Today we''ll look at why spiritual intimacy is so valuable, and how to begin — without it feeling awkward.

TO BREAK THE ICE · Talk through these questions together

– Honestly: do we pray together as a couple, out loud? If we do, how does it feel? If not, what makes it hard for us?

– Does each of us have a personal spiritual life (prayer, Bible) that the other barely knows about? Why do we think that is?

– Is it easier for us to talk to each other about almost any subject than to pray together out loud? What do we think is behind that?

The discomfort of praying together is very common, and understanding it removes half the problem. Three things are worth looking at honestly.

• Praying together makes us feel exposed — and that''s scary.: When I pray out loud in front of my spouse, I''m letting them see my heart in the raw: my fears, my struggles, my clumsy way of talking to God, what really worries me. It''s a nakedness of the soul — like we saw in I1 — maybe even more vulnerable. And it scares us: what will they think of my faith? of the way I pray? will they judge me? That''s why many prefer to pray alone: it''s safer. But that safety has a price: we miss out on the deepest spiritual closeness a marriage can have.

• We think it has to sound "good" — and that paralyzes us.: Many people don''t pray together because they believe, without realizing it, that praying out loud requires elegant words, spiritual phrases, a certain "level." And since they feel they don''t measure up, they''d rather not. But this is a big misunderstanding: God isn''t impressed by pretty words. A clumsy, short, sincere prayer is worth as much before God as the most eloquent one. The idea that you have to "know how to pray well" in order to pray together has silenced more couples than almost anything else.

• We leave it for "someday" — and that day never comes.: Because praying as a couple isn''t urgent — nothing breaks today if we don''t pray together — it always gets left for later. "When the kids are older." "When we have a routine." "When the embarrassment wears off." And the years go by. Just as with couple time (H3), spiritual intimacy that isn''t begun on purpose doesn''t begin on its own. "Someday" is the great enemy of "today."

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: This study doesn''t aim to put pressure on, or make anyone feel bad who has never prayed with their spouse, nor to measure anyone''s "spirituality." Nor is it about one of you — often the one who feels "more spiritual" — pressuring or shaming the other into praying "the right way." That only makes spiritual intimacy harder. And if in the couple one has a more mature or more expressive faith than the other, that''s normal and is to be respected. The goal isn''t to reach an ideal, but to take a first small and sincere step toward seeking God together, at the pace of whoever goes slower.

LOOK AT OUR MARRIAGE · Answer together, without judging each other

– Of the three things we read — feeling exposed, thinking it has to sound good, leaving it for "someday" — which has held us back the most?

– Which of us feels more comfortable with this, and which less? Can we talk about it without the more comfortable one pressuring the other?