Validation: The Bridge To The Heart

Married life often looks like two people speaking entirely different languages. One shares a deep frustration, and the other immediately puts on the 'mechanic's hat', trying to fix the problem or, worse, judging the validity of the emotion.

Let's look at a real, everyday example: One says, 'I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted today,' and the other responds, 'Well, if you organized your schedule better, you wouldn't be.' Boom. World War III begins. In that instant, we invalidate their feelings with our cold, calculated 'logic'.

Phrases like 'You are making a big deal out of nothing', 'Do not be so sensitive', or 'You are overreacting' are relational landmines. We mistakenly think we are bringing rationality to the table, but we are actually telling our spouse: 'Your feelings are wrong and totally invalid.'