The Tactical Time Out and the Return

Have you ever been in the middle of an argument over something as trivial as who forgot to take out the trash, and suddenly you feel your heart racing at a thousand miles an hour? You stare at each other, fists clenched under the table, and without realizing it, you say things you never imagined would come out of your mouths. Welcome to the wonderful, yet sometimes chaotic, world of marriage. We have all been there, in that danger zone where anger completely blinds us.

What you might not know is that there is a strict biological explanation for this chaos right in our living room. When we get so angry that our heart rate exceeds one hundred beats per minute, our rational brain literally shuts down. It is in that exact moment when the reptilian brain, that instinctive part that only knows survival, fight, or flight, takes absolute control. In that state of 'physiological flooding', it is scientifically and spiritually impossible to lovingly negotiate or reach a solid agreement.

Many of us grew up with the myth that walking away from an argument is for cowards or a sign that we simply do not care about the relationship. However, staying to fight when we are already emotionally overwhelmed is like trying to put out a kitchen fire by throwing a gallon of gasoline on it. We will only end up throwing verbal knives and causing deep wounds that will incredibly take years to properly heal.