Letting Go Of Control: Goodbye To Fear

Checking your spouse's phone, asking excessive questions about 'who and where', or getting a knot in your stomach when they are five minutes late aren't always signs of being wildly in love; sometimes, they are simply the cries of a terrified heart. As that pastor or friend having coffee with you, I have to be completely honest here: control almost never comes from genuine, deep love, but from a profound panic of being abandoned.

When our partner becomes our 'god', our absolute refuge, and the sole reason for our happiness, the dynamics of the marriage change drastically. We build a throne for a flawed human being and, without realizing it, we hand them the power to completely destroy us if something goes wrong or they decide to leave. That is the exact moment fear packs its bags and moves permanently into our home.

If your greatest treasure in life and your only source of security can leave, get sick, betray you, or just make a mistake, your brain goes into a constant, exhausting state of high alert. The mere thought of them failing or leaving you causes such immense panic that you begin to manipulate, smother, and demand impossible guarantees. Without meaning to, you turn into a jealous security guard instead of a relational life partner.