From Beggars to Kings: Our Validation

Have you ever noticed how we sometimes turn our spouse into a judge on a talent show? Without realizing it, we walk around the house waiting for them to hold up a perfect ten paddle. We want them to validate how good we look, how smart we were in that work meeting, or how much we contribute at home. We become like little emotional beggars holding an empty cup, following our partner and demanding that they drop coins of validation, applause, and love into it.

The trap is that many of us marry with that secret hope. We enter marriage thinking that finally someone will give us that worth we didn't feel in childhood, or that affirmation we couldn't get while single. We hand over the weight of our identity to a flawed human being and, unintentionally, give them the most exhausting job in the world: the task of making us feel like we matter.

But do you know what happens when you constantly demand that your spouse validate your worth? You end up suffocating the romance. When your partner feels that every word they say (or don't say) determines your mood or your perception of yourself, the relationship becomes a heavy burden. You are no longer enjoying each other; your spouse is walking on eggshells so as not to shatter your fragile self-esteem.