Uprooting the Root of Bitterness

Have you ever noticed how weeds in the garden grow without anyone watering or taking care of them? You just neglect a corner for a while, and suddenly, those ugly plants have taken over everything. In marriage, bitterness works exactly the same way. No one wakes up one day thinking, 'Today I am going to ruin my relationship by filling myself with resentment.' It simply happens when we let the pain of an unresolved offense take root in our hearts.

I constantly see couples in counseling who love each other but are infected by the most silent and lethal poison in a Christian marriage: chronic resentment. The process is always predictable. First, there is real pain that is not properly processed. Then, that pain is buried and mutates into bitterness. And finally, the bitterness transforms into contempt.

Contempt is immensely dangerous because it makes us view our spouse not as our teammate, but as an enemy. It is literally the single greatest predictor of divorce that exists. When bitterness settles in, we begin to rewrite the history of our marriage through a completely negative filter, forgetting the good seasons and magnifying every tiny past mistake.