The Music of Words

Imagine I say to you, 'I love you and you are very important to me,' but I say it through gritted teeth, with my arms crossed, and rolling my eyes at the ceiling. Would you believe me? Of course not! In marriage, we sometimes prepare a great speech with all the right words, but the background music is a funeral march or a war siren.

Experts say that up to ninety-three percent of our communication is non-verbal. That means our spouse isn't just listening to what we say; they are 'reading' our body, scanning our tone of voice, and decoding those heavy sighs that escape us. You can say the most theologically correct words, but with a lethal tone, your partner's brain will register an imminent attack.

It happens so often at home. You are exhausted after a seemingly endless workday, you see that the trash still hasn't been taken out or there are dirty dishes in the sink, and you toss out an: 'Don't worry, I'll do it' with a martyr tone that cuts the air. The words say you are going to help, but your tone screams: 'You are irresponsible and I am the victim here.'