The End of the Hidden Agenda of Touch

Imagine this scene: you are washing the dishes, exhausted after an endless day. Suddenly, your spouse comes up from behind and gives you a hug. Instead of relaxing and enjoying the moment, your body tenses up. An invisible alarm goes off in your head and you wonder, 'What do they want? Is this a hint? Because honestly, I do not have the energy for that today.'

This is a very common issue in our marriages. We often call this dynamic the 'flight reflex'. It happens when one spouse, usually the one with the lower level of sexual desire in a given season, starts avoiding any physical contact, even the most innocent, out of fear of what it might lead to.

The fear is not of affection itself, but of the expectation attached to it. If a brush in the hallway, a shoulder rub, or cuddling on the couch always acts as a preamble for sex, physical touch loses its comforting purpose. It becomes an unspoken contract we feel pressured to sign.