The Curious Question: Excavating The Deep Waters

Imagine your spouse is like a giant iceberg. When they throw a complaint at you like 'we never spend time together' or sigh when they see you left the wet towel on the bed, you are only seeing the ten percent that peaks above sea level. Beneath that quick and sometimes sharp phrase, there is almost always a mountain of unexpressed emotions, hidden fears, or accumulated exhaustion.

Our biggest mistake in marriage communication happens right at that first clash of ice. Instead of putting on our scuba gear to explore what is underneath, we crash head-on like the Titanic. We instantly react to the surface of their words because we feel attacked and immediately step into mental combat mode, planning how to win the argument.

The book of Proverbs brilliantly tells us that what lies in the human heart is like 'deep waters'. It is not something shallow that splashes easily. To reach those true purposes and pains of your husband or wife, you need to become an expert at drawing them out. You have to stop being a simple passive or reactive listener, to become an active explorer of the heart of the person you love.