Overcoming Routine With Intentionality and Romance

One of the biggest myths Hollywood sold us is that of 'permanent spontaneity'. We believe that if sexual desire doesn't just spring out of nowhere, with violins playing in the background while we fold laundry, then our marriage is in crisis. The truth is that, between work, bills, kids' homework, and chronic fatigue, spontaneity is usually the first thing to die. But I want to tell you something liberating: scheduling intimacy does not kill romance; in fact, it saves it.

Imagine telling your boss: 'Look, I am not going to put this vital meeting on the calendar, let us just let it happen organically this week'. You would be fired! If we are intentional and disciplined with our work, the gym, or taking the car to the mechanic, why do we leave the most sacred and vital area of our marriage to the leftovers of the day? We cannot give the world our best energy and come home only to hand over our yawns.

It is very common to fall into the trap of 'logistical routine'. We become excellent roommates who manage a small company called home. We pay bills, wash dishes, take turns getting the babies to sleep, but we forget to be lovers. We forget to play, to flirt, and to look at each other with that mischievous spark we had when we were dating.