Iron Sharpening Iron: Debating Without Personal Offenses

Have you ever ended up in a silent world war because you started out having different opinions on how to manage money, which political candidate to support, or even how to interpret a Bible passage? Those moments when a conversation goes from being an exchange of ideas to a battlefield where you are both armed with sarcasm and pride. We forget that we are a team and we become defense attorneys for our own point of view, ready to annihilate the other person's argument at all costs.

Sometimes, we mistakenly believe that having good marital intimacy means thinking exactly the same about absolutely everything. We think that if we are 'soulmates', our opinions must be identical. But this is a huge illusion. God did not unite two photocopies; He united two people with completely different upbringings, histories, and ways of processing information, forming a joint brain that is much more complete and fascinating.

Author Timothy Keller reminds us that marriage is a stage of grace designed for our growth. When your spouse sees an economic news story or a family problem from a totally contrary perspective to yours, they do not do it to annoy you. They do it because their lens and their mental design are different. That difference is not a threat to your identity or your authority, it is rather a complement that God has placed by your side.