Catching the 'Little Foxes'

Great marriages are rarely destroyed overnight by a catastrophic event; they almost always fall through a slow erosion. It is like a large building that does not collapse from an earthquake, but from tiny termites that silently eat away the wood from the inside for years. In our relationship, those termites take the form of harmless habits that we simply overlook.

The book of Song of Solomon calls them 'little foxes'. In a vineyard, these baby foxes look adorable and harmless, but their small size allows them to slip through any hole in the fence and chew on the roots of the grapes when they are just blooming. In our home, these small invasions destroy intimacy and trust before we can even realize the actual damage.

The first 'little fox' is usually the innocent complaint. It seems very natural to vent to a friend or coworker about our spouse's flaws. However, this lack of emotional exclusivity creates a crack through which respect leaks out, painting our partner in the worst possible colors in front of others.